Ive been going long and easy so far, but today I did a sort of tempo run... sort of. I started with just under 7 minute miles uphill for 5 miles then I turned around, dropped a 6 minute mile, a 5:18 then slowed to 6:27, recovered on that then 6:09 then a 3:00 for the next half and finished in 5:44, the last 150 or so was fast, Nate Beach and I kicked into high gear. I feel good about today's run because by no means was I dying when I finished or at any point in the run except the massive shit at the community fields that I was really dying to get to. Today really showed how much progress I have been making from higher mileage, I could have pushed the run more and Im not in too good of shape too early since I hold back most runs. Peaking looks like the direction Im headed in this cross season, just hold my mileage through mid October and start dropping then pwnzor n00bs all day.
I spent this weekend at my cabin which was uber boring and went for a run that was hurting sooo bad so I called it a day after 58 minutes and just tried to sleep the rest of the afternoon to no avail. Then the dogs barked at nothing all night and I didnt sleep a wink, fuck nothing, wandering around my cabin, making noise that makes dogs not let me sleep. That fucker, nothing. I also like meat, and milk. Chocolate milk is tight. Going to my cabin is gay, even thought I dont have a problem with gay people, isnt that strange how I use a word that I dont really think is bad to be as an insult, and am insulted by it? It makes no sense, our culture is funky, the people in it are funky, I am thinking funky. I also think its absolutely hilarious how the religious right wing is backing themselves on Christian morals, like hating gay people and shit and killing people. No one knows what the fuck Christianity is any more except Methodists who oppose war and the such. I have never gone to church in my life and I know the morals of Christianity and follow them better than most Christians who would like to think they are doing some sort of good by killing Arabs, lol. Read the Commandments you dumb fuck! This doesnt pertain to all Christians at all, just a good amount of the famous ones who run our government and like to kill Arabs and hate on gay people. I know of quite a few Christians who actually do make a difference in the world and help with things and I respect them to no end because I havent done shit for fellow man and I would like to, I just bitch about shit in my mind. I dont even talk about my views because I hate almost everyone until I meet them and most people I meet I love, there is no one who I think is lesser than me, I look at myself like some sort of maggot who has no purpose. I dont desire money, fame or the like, especially money, I like money, but Ill give it away in a heart beat if you really beg for it. I dont value money, I come from a fair amount of wealth and dont see any reason to hold onto my money, I drive people around who promise me gas money even though I never ask for it, then they dont give it to me after promising they would even though I didnt ask for it and I have no problem with it as long as money keeps coming my way as it is and I have the funds of my own to keep driving people around. I am a bitch, I really am but I dont see a problem with it. I really just like to please, I will do a lot if you ask me, but I wont assert myself to help unless it is asked of me. When I grow up, I dont really even want money, I just want to live somewhere and have a wife and probably some kids and just be content with cable. This could change. I want to spill myself for anyone who will listen and its hard to find myself in a position where I am with one close friend and can just tell them everything I want to say. I hate convos online and love them, but I want someone in person to just talk for hours. I really want a girlfriend above most things and I wonder why I dont have one, then think its not too bad because I would be too good to them and they would get bored of me but thats how I would opperate because I always just want people around me to get what they want, its something like "superiority complex" or "inferiority complex" which goes back to me thinking I am less than other people, yet I am treated by many as superior while I feel the opposite. Being a team captain next year will probably change that way of thinking. I love all my friends, I can think of 4 who I honestly would take a bullet for because I see their futures being so much brighter than mine. I love all my friends, I love seeing them happy and I hate me most of the time but I can live with myself for one simple reason; my mileage is high. I see only one thing going for me and that is running, my mileage is high and I cant see myself being able to work harder at this point without peaking too early or having my legs get too skinny from burning all my muscle off day after day, both scenarios looking bad. I see what Im doing and know I cant do more and benefit from it, its the only thing I like about myself sometimes, the fact that Im giving something my all, maybe a little less than my all but I know doing any more would end up in some sort of dibilitating injury and then I would think "damn I did too much" and not be able to live with myself at all. So much travels throught the mind of a teenager that it is astounding, I dont have any more problems than anyone else, I just typed them up.
Oh yeah my chemistry class goes from 1-5 now instead of 1-5:30 so I have a half hour more of my life back to contemplate my thoughts and publish them for about 2 people to read, maybe more... once a week---ish.
I love Once a Runner, I dont understand how people can not love that book, every line is poetry and while some is off topic and maybe boring, to me it is like a song by say. . . interpol that has some really shitty sounding parts but there will be some sort of chorus or something that it comes back to that sounds really good, its like they fill you with shit so that the good parts sound really good. That might be bad example thought because every single line of Once is poetry and beauty to me, even the off topic parts and the boring parts, something about each line brings in some sort of wisdom or metaphor and if I stop to think about it, it strikes me as something wonderful. Then of course there are the running parts and Cassidy's stay at the cabin, racing, etc which make me feel it, having experienced many of the same feelings expressed in Once.
Im also reading Running with the Buffaloes which astoundingly made me cry the second time I read it even though I knew that(spoiler, dont read if you havent read it)(now Im just making a buffer so that no one reads what lays ahead if they shouldnt be reading it, aka people who havent read Buffs.)Sev dies, Chris Lear expresses the feelings of the CU team that seem so heartbreaking that I can almost feel it, even though most of the book is about workouts and is blunt with no poetry feeling at all, the bluntness really gets the message across and it is heartbreaking to read.
Once a Runner and Running with the Buffaloes are the only two running books I have read and I almost dont even want to read any others because Im afraid no running book I can read again will bring feelings like those two did.
Im really tired now and I dont even care about anything, fuck shit, sleep is overrated. No it isnt. I have a huge task at hand and it requires a lot of sleep. This year is going to be trying to my mind and body, I already feel tried, exhausted etc. Summer school is a bitch. I love you, good night.

¶ 12:51 AM

Post a Comment